Change is stressful and difficult. Human beings are creatures of habit. When people want change they typically mean that they want others to adjust or they want a system or rule to be modified. People very seldom want to change themselves and even when they want it, they are often unwilling to do what it takes to bring about the transformation. This is no different in relationships. We typically want our spouses to change and of course we ourselves don't need any changes, right? Most couples who come see me when things go wrong, blame their spouses and want them to change. Most times they deny any problems of which they are accused. Today we are not going to talk about changing as people though; we are going to talk about external changes that impact our relationships.
His company wants to relocate him and she does not want to move to a different city. She wants to have children and he is not ready yet. She wants a bigger home or he wants a new car. Regardless of what the change is, we all face change, that is for certain. Change can happen to us without our consent; such as losing one's job, disability from an accident, and so forth. Change impacts our relationships whether we like it or not. Sometimes such alteration is good and sometimes it is disastrous. So how can we manage change to minimize any potential negative impact on our relationships?
1. When possible, honestly and deeply discuss the potential change with your spouse and find out how he or she feels about it.
2. If the change is optional, make the decision to change together; both spouses need to agree and take responsibility for the decision together. If things go wrong a joint decision eliminates any blame games.
3. If possible, take change slowly. Introduce the changes in steps, with time in between, to get used to the change.
4. Accept one change at a time, don't lump many changes together. Every change happening together builds on all the stress of each individual stress until it becomes overwhelming. Changing careers, moving, getting married, and having surgery all within a few months, for example, is not a good idea. If possible, stagger these changes over time.
5. Build on your strengths and accept changes in the areas which you feel confident in.
6. Make sure you are healthy and getting enough exercise before taking on any changes.
7. Be positive.
Pierre F. Steenberg, Ph.D., D.Min. is a relationship expert, a counselor, and a marriage seminar presenter. http://www.designinghearts.com/
To receive your free PDF on using Genograms to analyze your relationship please visit: http://www.designinghearts.com/
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